A Call in the Night

It was 11pm. I had just turned off the light and was looking forward to a good nights sleep. I barely had my eyes shut before my cellphone went off: my continuity was at the clinic in labor. I quickly scrubbed up and headed over to the clinic. After picking up her chart I realized I had only been able to complete 3 prenatals on her since she wasn't able to return for her last one, and she was only a little over 37 weeks.
For the school here we need five continuities before graduating, and in order for it to count as a continuity, I needed at least four prenatals on her. So far, out of the 15 or so continuities that I have taken, only three count. All the others had similar problems with shortage of prenatals or I had to transport them to the hospital.
Right away I felt my attitude going the wrong direction. But instead of keeping it in check, I let the struggle continue inside as I questioned God..."Lord, why have you let this happen with so many of my patients?" I had even prayed in the beginning that He would quickly give me five continuity births so I wouldn't stress about it before the deadline. And I didn't want to have to have to think about my patients in terms of "how many I need." To me the prayer made sense... Why wouldn't God fulfill that desire and request? But here I was, stressing about my numbers, and yet another one had "failed."
Because I was so upset with God, I didn't even feel like being a midwife that night. I don't think my patient realized what was going inside of me, as somehow I greeted her with a disguising smile. But I felt like a cruddy midwife.
She delivered that night, and it was a hard birth. For three and half hours she continued to hemorrhage, as I did my best to control it with every management in the book. It was also a three and a half hour struggle with God. It rooted with my bad attitude in the beginning, and spread to feelings of not wanting to be here- not wanting to deal with anothercomplication. But by 5am, God had intervened with more than the birth complications, He had also worked on me. Before I left, completely exhausted and spent, my sweet patient thanked me over and over again. I felt like bursting into tears and telling her to stop. I didn't deserve any thanks- God knew! :) But He allowed her anyway, to teach me a lesson, to show me His grace. And I felt humbled and honored that He still choose to use me, despite my selfishness.
This weekend they came for their third day check up. Her husband greeted me outside the clinic with a big smile and a huge bag of fruit; I couldn't believe it! I think God winked and smiling at me...and I'm pretty sure I went red. :)

Top Headline of Today's Paper

This weeks coverage is one that I have been looking forward to making since the creation of this blog. It's not necessarily going to be the largest breaking news, however, I do believe it ranks near the top five. After a year and a half of endless typing, we have completed our very last written assignment. I probably wouldn't think twice before believe someone if they told me that all the midwifery data we've compiled in these assignments could reach the moon and back if typed in font size six. :) There were definitely days when I thought it would never end, and I would wonder if I could make it to the next deadline. And it was in those weeks, days, and moments that I was continually reminded that His strength is indeed perfect when our strength is gone. I knew this was real, as so many times I was truly empty and yet He carried me through. Thinking back on the past year and a half the following words come to mind...
"I will not boast in anything, no gifts no power no wisdom. But I will boast in Jesus Christ, His death and Resurrection!"
Really, truly, I couldn't have done these assignments and everything else going on here without Him. He pretty wonderful! :)
So here I am today, still trying to believe that we've come this far. The textbooks are still far from collecting dust on the shelf. We have an exam tomorrow, laws and protocols to compile, book reports to write, final paperwork to complete, clinical work to continue, and the final board exam to think about. But Praise God no more assignment confinement! :) Bring out the chocolates- that's something worth celebrating!! :)

In memory =)

Party time :)

Monday morning at 4am a few of us Canadians woke up and headed over to Tim and Bethany's place to watch the hockey Olympic game... It really was a special time and we had a blast! I don't think I've ever been this patriotic... ;)

Crowding around the computer to watch the game... we were catching a stream that kept cutting in and out Making crepes for Breakfast :) Celebrating

Its been quite the week. I had one of my continuity patients go into labor Monday evening. I was pretty excited as she been a really special patient to me. However, I was super disappointed to have to transport her 14 hours later due to complications! :( Her baby ended up being delivered by C/S. After visiting her in the hospital it made me wish even more that I could have delivered her baby... Only God knows. When I went to the hospital the next day I asked her if she was nursing her baby. She shook her head, and began explaining to me that she didn't have any milk. I had to shake my own head, as for some reason 95% of the women hear believe this myth. Needless to say, a few minutes later she was beaming away as her baby began to nurse. I've got to admit, it's pretty satisfying feeling.
Since I wrote my last post, I've gotten a little older...Not so sure about the wiser part! :) The girls went super out on making my birthday special, as well as all the messages and e-mails from everyone back home! THANK YOU all!!! :) Mom and Dad even sent me flowers...My! I felt spoiled! In the evening the girls (20 or so)and I went out to "The Swiss Deli"- a European restaurant that has delicious food. We went after supper for some appetizers (imported meats and cheese..mmmm), cake, and coffee. I was a blast!! hmmm... It was a good day!
I posted pictures below

Flower from Mom & Dad :)

Birthday Hugs- I love these girls! Swiss Deli Nice backdrop ;S :)

Please pray for the two exams I have coming up this week. We're getting so close to finishing your assignment!! PTL!

Sending a big hug to the homeland and to those of you from my second home (Belgium :))

"Till next time"

A tribute to my sister:

Yesterday was a special day. Thirty-three years ago my sister Bonnie was born. We had no idea that God's plan for her life here on earth was mapped out for only twenty-seven years, and perhaps in many ways we took her life for granted while she was still here. It just natural to have her part of our lives... until she was taken away from us. And then I realized really how precious her life was, and how fortunate I was to have her as a sister. Her love, life, and everything she taught me has tremendously influenced me in so many ways.

Nelly wrote this little poem in memory of her life...

No Birthdays in Heaven

Should we say she would have been 33
When God's plan was 27?
Can we speak of age while in glorified state
She's no longer counting in heaven?

But in this time-restricted place
On 'would haves' we naturally dwell
Since our minds are too small to conceive of at all
What actually IS for her now! ...

Bonnie is home with her Savior, dwelling forever in the land where no tears or sadness can be found; but what about the rest of us still here? I miss her, and sometimes I long to see and talk to her so much that my heart aches. We soon learned time can heal only to the extent of numbing the pain, but God is the ultimate healer of broken hearts. He provided us with a peace beyond our understanding, and a joy and strength to carry on.
Yes, it has been over 5 years ago now since Bonnie left us with just the memory of her smile. The questions remain still unanswered. Sometimes we even still cry, but when we do they are with tears of hope; hope for that day when we will indeed see her face again. With faith we look ahead to that place where the sun never sets, and where goodbyes are no more. Until then, we strive to do what Bonnie would so often encourage us to do; to “keep on keeping on.”

Hey- I'm back. Sorry I missed last week's update.

These past few weeks have been rather packed, both eventfully and emotionally.
In my exhaustion I half seriously/jokingly told the girls I was going to quit. Beth and Bethany threatened to tape me to the wall if I ever came close to making that decision! :) Of course I wouldn't- a rather crazy idea seeing we're so close to finishing...
But that's the great part about the girls here- we're in it together, and we're getting through it together. A definite team. They've been a tremendous encouragement to me, and I sure love them all! :)
This past week we've had a lot of classes on top of our assignments. So in many ways I felt like I was jumping from clinic to class to assignment before falling into bed! :) Friday was my only day off of clinic or class, so I hibernated with my assignment at a coffee shop for 12 hours. The coffee shop owners must have thought I was a little loopy. :S :) But thankfully I was able to get a lot done. Part of me was glad it was a busy week...
Last week I had another continuity gave birth, and then Monday, yesterday and today I handled three more births! :) This morning's shift was insane with lots of patients and complications. But God was gracious and brought us through it. I was close to delivering two babies, but I endorsed my second labor to the next shift about half hour before she delivered.
Come to think of it, yesterday was also a crazy shift. I was helping out with one birth when a 16 year old girl walked in pretty much ready to push her baby out. From looking at her lying on the bed she hardly looked pregnant, and after glancing at her chart I realized she wasn't quite term. But there wasn't much we could do as she was already pushing, except prepare for immediate transport after. A few minutes later I was holding a very tiny but vigorous four pound baby boy in my hands! Because the baby was stabilizing well, we allowed him to stay for awhile to bond and breastfeed with his mom before transporting for more intensive care. Below I've posted a few pictures....
Please pray for me this week that the Lord would not only give me the energy but the joy to continue on with the work He has provided for me here. I also have two continuities that are due to deliver any time- please also pray all goes well.

I guess I should say "Happy Valentines Day!" I actually love the true story behind this day of Saint Valentine.

Well, here's to another week of God's great faithfulness! He never promised life would be easy or painless, but He does promise that He will always be with us!

These two pictures above are of my preterm baby

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Continuity of Care Patients

Her nickname is Jem- and she certainly was a "Gem" She delivered on Jan 25

Another patient I grew to love so much!! She delivered on February 1st

The other week a young mother still pregnant with her first baby walked into the clinic. She was full term, and in her hands she clutched a paper containing a freshly printed ultrasound. She handed over the paper and quickly made her way to CR (washroom). I scanned over the ultrasound results and my heart sunk as I read the bold letters at the bottom. "Fetal Death in Utero." The stark reality of its message made me tremble inside. I glanced over at the closed bathroom door, and I knew she was behind it concealing her tears. When she finally came out, I took her over to a bed to talk and pray with her. I fought back tears as she bravely kept back her own; it's not cultural to cry in public. "I accept!" she told me with a broken heart.
Today my friend had a patient who was immediately transported due to complications. Her baby was born, but never had the chance to take his first breath.
There are many things in life I don't understand. Why does life end for some before it even begins? Why does it even begin for some who live day to day with hardship and poverty. My heart aches for those little children begging on the busy city streets. They are not but ten years of age, yet no one is there to take care of them or ensure that they are safe. I see the blind man with his hands outstretched for money, sitting in the same spot day after day in front of the mall. I see people in the hospital dying because they cannot afford proper medical care- something we take for granted. I see countless women coming through the clinic, each having a story. They are not simply sad tales that are used in missionary presentations to briefly stir the hearts of those listening. It's the harsh reality many of these women live in, and are birthing their children into. Some women don't even return to the clinic to complete their child's birth certificate... Why would they? What is their child's future?
Yes, there are many things in life I do not understand. But there is one thing I know for certain. There is a God who is just and merciful, and who promises to answer those who call on His name.
There is hope- a future, and it's our responsibility, our privilege to spread this good news:
"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed (Luke 4:18).
We cannot solve the world's problems, and make an end to evil. But we can point people to the One who will, and has already conquered sin and death. He alone makes life worth living.