A Call in the Night

It was 11pm. I had just turned off the light and was looking forward to a good nights sleep. I barely had my eyes shut before my cellphone went off: my continuity was at the clinic in labor. I quickly scrubbed up and headed over to the clinic. After picking up her chart I realized I had only been able to complete 3 prenatals on her since she wasn't able to return for her last one, and she was only a little over 37 weeks.
For the school here we need five continuities before graduating, and in order for it to count as a continuity, I needed at least four prenatals on her. So far, out of the 15 or so continuities that I have taken, only three count. All the others had similar problems with shortage of prenatals or I had to transport them to the hospital.
Right away I felt my attitude going the wrong direction. But instead of keeping it in check, I let the struggle continue inside as I questioned God..."Lord, why have you let this happen with so many of my patients?" I had even prayed in the beginning that He would quickly give me five continuity births so I wouldn't stress about it before the deadline. And I didn't want to have to have to think about my patients in terms of "how many I need." To me the prayer made sense... Why wouldn't God fulfill that desire and request? But here I was, stressing about my numbers, and yet another one had "failed."
Because I was so upset with God, I didn't even feel like being a midwife that night. I don't think my patient realized what was going inside of me, as somehow I greeted her with a disguising smile. But I felt like a cruddy midwife.
She delivered that night, and it was a hard birth. For three and half hours she continued to hemorrhage, as I did my best to control it with every management in the book. It was also a three and a half hour struggle with God. It rooted with my bad attitude in the beginning, and spread to feelings of not wanting to be here- not wanting to deal with anothercomplication. But by 5am, God had intervened with more than the birth complications, He had also worked on me. Before I left, completely exhausted and spent, my sweet patient thanked me over and over again. I felt like bursting into tears and telling her to stop. I didn't deserve any thanks- God knew! :) But He allowed her anyway, to teach me a lesson, to show me His grace. And I felt humbled and honored that He still choose to use me, despite my selfishness.
This weekend they came for their third day check up. Her husband greeted me outside the clinic with a big smile and a huge bag of fruit; I couldn't believe it! I think God winked and smiling at me...and I'm pretty sure I went red. :)