Just one of the tears of the world

I stepped inside the white curtain enclosing one of the five birth cubicles. Another birth was taking place. The woman had just begun to push as I sat down nearby to make myself available if necessary. The atmosphere was calm as we carried on a lighthearted conversation. Suddenly the mood changed as we discovered that the baby’s presentation was not cephalic (head first): it was breech. After a rather difficult delivery a tiny little baby was born limp and lifeless. After deep suctioning with no effect, we began to immediately prepare for transport. A few midwives ran to get the portable oxygen tank as the supervisor quickly transferred the baby onto the mini resuscitation stretcher. Quickly I picked up the oxygen mask and began to give the baby PPV (positive pressure ventilation) as the other midwife carried him into the ambulance. For a few moments inside the ambulance it was just me and the baby. The others were still preparing the oxygen tank, and although nothing was hooked up to the mask, I continued to give PPV. At least the baby would still receive 20% oxygen. Breath...2...3... Breath...2...3... Besides a faint heartbeat, the baby had made no sign of life. As I looked down at this tiny (less than 2kg) baby in front of me, I suddenly realized his life could be taken right before my eyes. My legs began to shake, and I prayed as hard as I could- begging God to spare his little life. By this time we were on our way to the hospital and the oxygen had been hooked up. Brianna and I were continuing to do CPR when suddenly the baby gave out a little cry. It was almost the sound I've ever heard! When we arrived at the hospital, I had a hard time leaving the baby... Would he receive adequate care? Would he make it? Then God reminded me that this baby’s life was not simply in the hands of the hospital, he was in His care. With peace and confidence I knew I could leave him there... It was the best place.
That evening I went with the midwife to visit the baby. Thank God he was still alive. The next day my friend went to visit again only to discover that the family had discharged the baby against medical consent. They had no money to keep the baby in intensive care. We were crushed, realizing the baby didn’t have much hope to live.
It’s been hard, witnessing so much heartaches and pain. And then I thought of how little I actually witness, compared to God who sees and knows everything. I can't imagine how much agony He must endure. Elizabeth Elliot once wrote, "None of us likes pain. All of us wish at times we did not need to 'go through all this stuff.' Let us settle it once and for all: we cannot know Christ and the power of His resurrection without the fellowship of His suffering."
So as much as it hurts, as overwhelming as it can be, if we truly want to know Him more we must continue to pray for what Michael Card so beautifully penned in one of his songs:

So open my eyes and open my heart

Grant me the gift of Your grieving

Awaken in me the compassion to weep

Just one of the tears of the world

And remembering with joy- it will be worth it all when we see Jesus...