Author of Life

I had just arrived at Chitokoloki and was unpacking my thing, when I heard Tanis calling my name. She was heading to the hospital to see a preterm baby boy that had just been born, and wondered if I wanted to go with.

He was so tiny, weighing only 1.3kg. In his current condition, we didn’t think he would make it. However, the next day when I went back to the hospital, his breathing had improved tremendously. I was beginning to think there was hope. For several days I went in and spent some time with him and his sweet mother. The third morning when I arrived, the Zambian nurse on duty asked me what my name was. She than proceeded to write “baby Sarah” on his chart. I was so touched, but had to smile at the thought of a boy being named Sarah. I’m assuming that will be there first and last! J The next day, God took this precious baby home to be with Himself. I went immediately over to the hospital, and we just sat in silence and cried together.

Later that day I was called to deliver a baby. I had just finished the delivery, and another one came in. Two hours, and two births later, I was finishing up a few things when a nurse came running into the maternity ward. “Midwife, we need a midwife.” She thrust the emergency bag into my hands, and I- somewhat bewildered- grabbed a few essential things before jumping into emergency vehicle. I had no clue what was happening, but soon figured out that we were heading to a village 45 kilometers away. Someone had contacted the hospital saying there was a labour that needed assistance. I tried to mentally prepare myself for whatever was coming, but it was a little hard having given no further information. We sped along as quickly as possible down the rough, sand paths, and finally arrived an hour later. But the wrong message had been given. Instead of a woman in labour, there was a man who was in critical condition. I could feel my heart beat faster. What could I do- I’m a midwife, not a doctor or even nurse! I went into the crowded room where the young man was laying on the ground. I found his faint pulse, and he was still breathing. But, it was too late- he soon slipped away. Several minutes later I walked out of the room, with the crowd wailing around me. I cried almost the whole way home… It was my first encounter with an adult death, and I had to wonder- where was his soul?

I remember talking to a man back home, who claimed He didn’t believe God existed. He argued that if there was a God and He was good, how could He create evil and pain. But his belief still left him with many unanswered questioned. “Does believing in God allow you to have it all figured out?” he had asked.

As I bounced along in the emergency vehicle that day, many unanswered questions came to mind. The reality of death and poverty was overwhelming. But through it all, as I looked up into the deep blue sky, I knew I still served a living God. And He is good.

Last night I was called to a complicated birth. It was the hardest birth I’ve ever had to attend. The woman had a condition that caused her to begin seizuring, which can be life threatening.  Thankfully she remained in stable condition. We finally got the baby delivered, and began resuscitation that lasted for over an hour. But it was to no avail. I held her close and listened as the heart beat slowly ceased… Her life here ended before it scarcely had begun. But in reality, she is experiencing true life: Eternal life. My heart aches for her dear mother and family. She will always hold a place in their hearts…

So yes, I still have many questions that have no answers. Pain and suffering is real, and there is a very delicate balance between life and death. This may deter many from believing in the existence of God, or the belief that He is good. For me, this reality only serves to increase my faith in Him. For I know He promises to one day return and take His Children Home, where there is joy and peace forever more. Until then, I know I can trust the Author of life with all my unanswered questions.

“Not till the loom is silent and the shuttles cease to fly

Will God unroll the canvas and explain the reason WHY.”